I have to quit work and leave my embryonic freelance career. I just saw that my LinkedIn profile views are down 60% this week. Hashtag, not a thought leader.
I am hysterical. I can’t even look at my Facebook likes. Likes are probably down. I have not sent an emoticon, wished a stranger a happy birthday, taken a picture of food asked for a hug or asked friends to copy and paste the new and heinous Facebook privacy policies. God, some of you send hugs. Please.
Forget YouTube, YouTube Red, Vimeo, Vimeo Pro. No uploads as of late and haven’t looked. I fear that there will be a view-drop there too.
As for Twitter, I have not had the bandwidth to do Twitter lately. Followers are dropping. It’s my fault, as I have shown no character(s) for too long.
There’s been no Reddit; Blogger or Word Press and views are probably in the digital gutter. What about my numbers on Digg – Ooops?
Instagram, the hearts have probably slowed to a trickle and Pinterest, I haven’t pinned anything recently. I haven’t added to the “world’s catalog of ideas,” Oh, my boards.
Oh, Captain my captain I’m standing on a burning deck, my digital space is dreck.
Moreover, Tumblr has been contacting me, and I haven’t responded I cannot look.
Maybe I’ll blog and go all “Add this.”
____________AOL, (that space before AOL is there for you to make mean jokes) I do not remember my AOL name I have not AOL’ed in 10 years, that’s going to hurt.
My Flickr is foul, and I am sure Friendster is not happy with me.
Admission, I don’t get MySpace, but I have it. Isn’t that where the Millenials went to hide from geriatrics on Facebook? I think they went there. I’m going to look for one. Hashtag, I’m millennial-centric.
Organic reach I have no organic reach I need organic reach. Do I Meme or Infographic or do I go native? Save me “Big Data.”
I can’t work; I mean who will know that I work when I haven’t watered my digital garden enough to get “views and the like, so what’s the point?
I haven’t paid attention to Google +, and Google communities, I can’t figure it out but no one else can either, that probably gets me views and a thumbs up just for my admission.
Stumble Upon? Four Square? Moreover, then there’s Vine, or is there? Probably no views lately. Okay, what’s Hive?
I do not know anything About Me, Opportunity or Angel List do they have views or likes I need likes and views? I’m having a digital breakdown. Hashtag Zoloft.
What if my growing lack of views and lead to unfriending and unfollowing. I may be tossed into a virtual digital gutter. Do not leave me virtual, digital trophies. (Emoticon) I have separation anxiety. Hashtag neurosis.
To save myself virtually and get more follows, views, likes, and digital love I will have to be fast. First the creation of a list of action items, then the drill down to look for a way that I can embrace sustainability and meet stakeholder expectations. It will have to be out of the box thinking. I have to take a real look behind the kimono, and I can resonate again. Hashtag trending.
I will be digitally diligent and work my forty “properties with new material and post like a fiend it will help over the course of time.
I will create vertical versions of all my new “digital video” on Facebook then link them to YouTube and post on Vimeo which will double my material. A good friend, on the subject of vertical, said I should just blog on telling people to hold their phones differently. I think that may be too complicated to explain.
I think the bleeding is stopping, send a thumbs up. I may have to go back to work one day. OMG, Hashtag, Influencer.