Maybe, I’ll fix your iPhone and only hold your money for 10 business days.

Simple solutions for your Iphone

IPHONE USERS: If you have volume problem on your phone only read the second paragraph and skip the rest of my mindless drivel.

Yay, Apple iPhones, particularly the 6s and 6s plus – Had two in two weeks- I couldn’t hear a thing no one could hear me. Called Apple. They couldn’t figure it out. They suggested they send me a third phone for 31 dollars shipping and they would politely hold 800 dollars of my money while I sent a second phone back. My funds would only be held. The hold would be dropped in only 10 business days after Apple takes delivery of the old phone. I said, “You know, I’ll “Think different.”


Make sure to remove film from phone, check you case and make sure that you don’t have anything over the speaker. Then, I did this trial and error, turn off your Bluetooth, then go to settings general Accessibility and turn off “Phone Noise Cancellation” That should do it. Once you do that you should be able to turn your blue tooth back on and all will be “feeling groovy. It took less then 3 minutes to do.


If you don’t want to trust paragraph 2 please call my customer service line and wait. In just about 15 minutes on hold I’ll get you to my auto answer guy who can understand whole sentences. He’ll take your information and ask for numbers that are prefaced by letters and hard to find. You won’t find them. It should take you about 15 minutes. Then he’ll say “I’m having trouble understanding you, I’ll get you to someone who can help. Then you’ll get one of my Call Directors. They’ll take your information and ask for numbers that are prefaced by letters and hard to find. You won’t find them. It should take you about 15 minutes. You’ll get great advice, like: “Make sure your phone is turned on and your volume is on”, from someone who doesn’t have great command of the English Language. It will take 15 minutes. Then my Call Director will direct you to the right department. Then you will only have to  hold for 1 hour and 15 minutes and you’ll get Brian Support – They will ask you for your information including a bunch of numbers that are so small and hard to find that you won’t find them. It should take you about 15 minutes. Then I’ll make sure that I won’t be able to fix a general problem on my own product. Then, I will suggest you go my Brian bar in my Brian store. And yes I know that there are just not that many Brian Bars around and that you work and you, even with an appointment, you will have a shorter wait for a new Kidney. If it’s not convenient you can send me 31 dollars for shipping and I will send you the advice while I hold 800 dollars while you see if it works. If it doesn’t work I’ll release my hold of 800 dollars on your credit card. You must remember that I will only be holding your money and it’s not really gone. It’s just in a good place but not in your account and your bank won’t be able to tell you where it is. It won’t be grinding interest, along with millions other held dollars. It will be very happily held, that’s all. But, remember it’s not gone so don’t complain. The hold will drop in 10 business days. If you’re willing to do this forget paragraph 2 and I’ll be happy to provide absolutely no worthwhile service but I’ll only hold your money while I send you another product that won’t work even though there’s a simple solution. That’s a good deal. That’s why I have houses on most of the continents. Bye.


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