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Breaking News from Baghdad on the Chesapeake Sun: MARYLAND
Man shot at candlelight vigil for homicide victim
Go Baltimore. There will now be a candlelight vigil for the man shot at the Candlelight Vigil. Due to Budget Cuts in the City Government it will be BYOAW – Bring Your Own Assault Weapon. The good news is that the initiative for spending thousands on new trash cans seems to be working as no bodies have been found in them as of yet. Most homicide victims are still being found on the street along with the garbage that hasn’t soiled the new trashcans. “All households in Baltimore will be given a huge, durable trash can on wheels under a $10 million plan Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake announced Monday to better control the city’s rat population and help prevent sanitation worker injuries. The bad news is that the 12 O’clock Boys have stolen all the wheels and used them on dirt bikes.
MAYOR ACTS SWIFTLY TO PROVIDE ALTERNATE CANDLELIGHT VIGIL OPPORTUNITY (XFINITY $12.95 A MONTH)
Mayor Bans Candlelight Vigils as they lead to violence. Citizens of Baghdad on the Chesapeake are angered today, as the ghost mayor has banned Candlelight vigils due to yesterdays shooting at an otherwise peaceful candlelight vigil. Police are now going door to door looking for candles. The candle light vigil, long a staple in Bagdad on the Chesapeake, is being replaced by the new 24hr a day Candlelight Vigil channel on Xfinity (12.95 per month). The mayor said that: “This is to ensure the safety of our citizens as we find that the few people we will lose this year due to stray bullets into the living room will be a decent price to pay as far as the safety of our citizens is concerned.” She went on to say: “Tomorrow we will hold a special Candlelight Vigil on the Candlelight Vigil Channel (Xfinity $12.95 a month) to pre mourn the few folks who will die due to errant ammunition discharge into the homes of just a few unlucky citizens.” In the meantime the mayor has gotten federal approval to give dirt bike riders lethal injections at the point of detainment. That’s it from the Baghdad on the Chesapeake Sun.