I Love Red Shirting My Child

I loved the story on 60 Minutes about, primarily, Moms who have been keeping their kids out of Kindergarten for a year and starting them at 6. The theory holds that the little kids will enter Kindergarten at a more advanced age with a larger mental and physical capacity. I mean like Wow. They’re just thinking of this? What a bunch of clowns. 

I have many thoughts on education and have had theories for years. I began practicing with my own, wildly successful, son. Before he was born I was playing him the classics in the form of Welcome to the Jungle (Guns n Roses – before Axl lost his mind creating Chinese Democracy) and skipped that Mozart crap. 

Side Bar: Why do people play Mozart for the unborn? They don’t like Mozart. How many people do you know who listen to classical music?  Mozart rocked from about 1759 until he croaked ( He was born in 1756) . I don’t think baby’s brain is getting bigger listening to Mozart. Stop it, now. 


Next, instead of “red shirting” my kid for just  a year I went further. He started Kindergarten this past school year at 12. He did great and on the playground he ruptured a 3rd grader’s spleen with just one bite. 

As far as academics he has learned the  “A” sound and he has stopped robbing convenience stores as he now has school to take up his time. 

I think that all moms and dads should red shirt their children or go to school instead of their children. Why should a kid have to be subjected to Kindergarten at 5. I mean, think about what one of the great moms said. If the kid starts on time at 5 and is a fall birth he/she may be the youngest in the class and not drive when his class mates do and may not date. I say bunk. I started on time I was born in November. I was one of the youngest. I have my learner’s permit. I even had a date once. Look at me now. 

I also have another theory: “Leave the kids alone.” because everyone already knows that:

“Wrong, Do it again!”
“If you don’t eat yer meat, you can’t have any pudding. How can you
have any pudding if you don’t eat yer meat?”


another amazing oddity by brian h keller a product of the public school system of America.


3 thoughts on “I Love Red Shirting My Child

  1. Brilliant of course. You were always a precocious child and the whole family agreed that school had nothing to teach you, thus they kept you up in the attic way longer than is customary in that part of the country. Glad you are doing the same with your own son!

    1. Steph,
      If you had graduated one year later and not been so selfish you would probably be president and we would be taking jet packs to work after you invented them, but no Stephanie and family decided she should just concentrate on being happy and “normal.” Well you see what has happened to our country because of you.


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