The Pitch Part 2 OMG It’s TV
Producing “your” TV commercial and having it look somewhat like you envisioned is the most miserable thing a creative can do. If you have read this far then read this: “Your “ commercial will not be recognizable when and if it’s done.
Your concepts are picked for development and you are on a non-drug high as you get your creative ready for the internal pitch and then the client pitch.
You will have a product, which is better than what Evil Paste has, but it won’t be ready for a while and all you really can claim is your product can keep your mouth, or other people’s mouths, clean and tartar free for four hours between brushings. You will make this wonderful. You will do it. If you fail you will leave advertising in disgrace and go back to medical school.
Your Story Board
You start with a couple brushing, probably on a close up of the husband. When he finishes he will kiss his wife proving he’s nice and loves her and that he has nice breath and clean teeth, as she doesn’t recoil in horror. He will leave for work in his logo-removed automobile. You cut to the wife brushing. This gives you more time to use before brushing as you’ve staggered the time. It’s genius. Be proud to have thought of it. Use a mnemonic device; a clock with minutes ticking representing the tension we feel about not brushing our teeth on time.
As you cut away from husband to wife; make it clear it’s his own wife and not a slutty, desperate, housewife neighbor. Angel Paste will applaud your values. After brushing the good wife takes her non Lady Gaga, Drake, Killers listening children to school and goes to work with poor people. You’ll be applauded for your values but warned to make sure that the poor people don’t look too poor and have nice teeth. You will tell people that no one really would see the poor people they would just see a sign that implied that; behind the door there would be poor people. Preemptively assure all that there will be a racially balanced mixture of poor people no one will see, with nice teeth, behind the doors of the place where the wife works.
Cut back to the non-cheating nice husband in his office doing his important job. Give him a suit and a clipboard. Don’t loosen his tie, as the client, viewing this breach of formality as insane, will shoot it down immediately. Test it by trying to slip a loosened tie by your account people. You will fail. Make sure your guy has on lace ups and not loafers because no one will ever let you show a board that takes place on casual Friday. Don’t there.
Back to Business
Your guy is walking with his clipboard, and bends to speak with a non-threatening female co-worker about some important where she may need a clipboard. His fabulous breath and teeth impress her. She smiles at him in a fully non-lap dance mode. Draw her to illustrate the faint outline of breasts beneath her gray suit so all know she’s a woman. The breasts should be nothing anybody would want to brush up against or touch unless it is her husband and it’s Saturday night and dark in the room. Her feet should be flat on the floor, knees together. Clients may ask to not to show knees. That’s good. You don’t want kids to get the wrong idea.
The clock will show that time is coming for lunch. After lunch your guy can brush his teeth and he’s ready for four hours. Since you started the wife you can have her going to lunch later than the husband. You now have more time (although illusionary) before the wife has to brush. This will help you in avoiding a disclaimer. Disclaimers are like herpes; they never go away they just hide sometimes. Victory is yours. You’ve turned four hours into more than 8. Yes it’s an illusion but then again so were the moon landings.
Back to the office
All will be applauding when someone from legal in a gray suit, both feet on the floor, mentions the storyboard cartoon woman in the gray suit talking to our husband doesn’t have a ring. You’ll say you can put a wedding ring on her or make her male, as the roles aren’t gender specific. Chaos ensues because of your comment’s latent homosexuality. You need to know that men with nice teeth and suits don’t talk to each other unless they are standing and looking at each other from a heterosexual distance. No one bends over anyone. Then Executive Creative Director Graham speaks. He’ll be English with the accent. You won’t know he’s threatening you. He’ll address the room without looking at you or your partner and say. “I like this idea, it has legs and could go viral” It needs word smithing and a tweak or two.” You’ll be thrilled. He loves it. It’s time to kiss your idea goodbye.
Next Week: Pre Production and The Production.