We’re all geniuses working at the heights of creativity, science, economics, art, writing, strategy, trends, business, and politics, and we are thought leaders.
We’re thought of so highly that some of us have our own TV shows and some have retired to palaces in France. We are so cool that if a normal person (someone looking for a job or someone without business to bestow) calls an agency president, ECD, or Account Head etc., he or she would leave a never-answered messaged in the never-checked voicemail. Reaching the President would be easier and there might be a decent pick-up game to be had.
So, as a public service, we present some thoughts on our business from some thoughtful people just for balance so those of us who practice in this arena can stop being all crazy with ourselves and those of us who wish to join us may think of becoming podiatrists, a profession where no one dies and no one gets better.
1. A Very Rare Find
“Creativity is an advertising agency’s most valuable asset, because it is the rarest.” Jef I. Richards
2. Truth Be Told
“There is a huge difference between journalism and advertising. Journalism aspires to truth. Advertising is regulated for truth. I’ll put the accuracy of the average ad in this country up against the average news story any time.” Jef I. Richards
“Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency.” Raymond Chandler
4. Excuse Me, What Does That Mean?
“An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.“ Fred Allen
5. You’ll Look Better And Feel Better Too. You’ll Jump Higher and Run Faster. No More Waxy Yellow Build-up. Get These Abs In 3 Weeks. Get Girl-Approved Hair.
“Buy me and you will overcome the anxieties I have just reminded you of.“ Michael Schudson
6.So Much For ROI
“Chances are that neither the client nor the agency will ever know very much about what role the ad has played in sales or profits of the client, either short-term or long-term.” Michael Schudson
7. Royalty? I Don’t Need No Stinking Royalty.
“I would like to be the head of an advertising agency.” Wallis Simpson, Duchess of Windsor
“Anyone who’s parading under a $100,000-plus video is not free from corporate. That’s just the MTV advertising agency. I find them all to be just a bit of a sham.” Johnny Rotten
9. Depending On Your Point Of View
“What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public.“ Vilhjalmur Stefansson
10. For Medicinal Purposes Only
“Advertisers constantly invent cures to which there is no disease.” Author Unknown
11. Or, Bears Maybe
“It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.” R. Serling
12. Every Litter Bit Hurts But Some More Than Others
“When a man throws an empty cigarette package from an automobile, he is liable to a fine of $50. When a man throws a billboard across a view, he is richly rewarded.” Pat Brown, quoted in David Ogilvy, Ogilvy on Advertising, 1985
13. It’s All About Nature
“I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I’ll never see a tree at all.” Ogden Nash, “Song of the Open Road”
14. I Love My Pool. My Beach House Is Great. I Have Marble Counter Tops.
“Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.” Stephen Butler Leacock
15. The Price Is Right at $500,000 On Production and Millions On Media
“How much does it cost…Why don’t you just do a commercial and just say what it costs?” Jennifer Keller
16. You Must Be Very Proud
“My Dad makes stuff up and runs around an office filled with crazy people.” Bailey Keller, to his first grade teacher.
17. It’s Advertising
“Nice work If you can get it.” George and Ira Gershwin