Happy Thanksgiving. Do you know that you don’t really want your insane family over and you don’t want to go to their houses either?
Be grateful if you’re going to someone else’s house this year.
“There’s too much confusion”, I can’t get no relief “
“Why is it so hot in the damn house and why am I going to nod off like a junkie.”
After you eat like a goose before butchering take a look at all those people collapsed and drooling watching football and say “Wow “I’m so glad that I got the good genes in the family” then get up and have another gallon of “cobbler.”
“Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl. Oh it’s just it’s just Aunt Ha-Ha and her drunken sister Barb, in the Focus.”
Why does 87 year old: “OMA”, “Grandma”, Grand Mama,” “Bubby,” “Maw-Maw”, “MiMaw”, Great Grand Ma Debbie, or for you Protestants out there, Grandmother Elizabeth wear stockings rolled down to her knees?
Why do you keep seeing people who are supposed to be your relatives and you can’t remember their names?
Why do the uncles sit together? They hate each other.
Why do the aunts hang out in the kitchen?
Why can’t you to sit at the kids table ? It’s the only good table?
Why do you have to tell people what you do for a living every year?
Why does “Grandpa,” “Pops,” “Paw Paw,” “Zaide,” “ Pop Pop”, or for you Protestants out there, Grandfather John III, seem to be the only rational one in the family after years of being totally insane and scary? And when do they retire from cutting the turkey? (Sly Baltimore reference there, uncles are involved.)
On the way home don’t forget to tell whomever you’re with that: “Boy the family sure looks bad. I’m glad I’m not aging poorly. I think I’ll get a tattoo on my ass or calf.”
Happy Thanksgiving and if you’re wondering that new baby who gets born every year is not that damn cute.
I’m sure you’ll lose that weight right after the holiday.
“There must be some way out of here” said the joker to the thief.”
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Thanks for reading another amazing oddity by brian h. keller.