Running for president. One candidate’s reasons.

People have asked me about my run for president. They’ve said:  “Brian, you have two cats you’re allergic to, a twelve year old son who will probably make community college one day, someone gave you a mattress and you have plenty of  ointment, and you don’t need toothpaste anymore plus you have  enough money to last you maybe a whole week, and a chance of getting your electricity turned back on, a potentially below average law career at an advanced age and no possibility of ever getting a date  so you can watch as many mid-week Seattle v Oakland late games, on the MlB package as you want . Why would why would you risk all that to just become president and have more people dislike you, although it wouldn’t be a substantial increase, than dislike you now?”  Since I run on a platform of being transparent and using as many clichés as I can by the end of the day I answer the question honestly: At the end of the day I wanted a new career and although I have tried I don’t have the talent to become a psychotic drifter so I figured I could go for the next best thing and that is why I am running for president.  Vote for me and I’ll get this country back to just a little bit below average during my eight years in office and I promise to if I invade a country it will be a country like Luxembourg or Monaco or maybe both of them.


4 thoughts on “Running for president. One candidate’s reasons.

  1. brian…if ur looking for a running mate..please consider me. in an effort to fully disclose…i am unable to ‘run’ due to advanced age, and unable to ‘mate’ for same. don’t let that dissuade u. i’m thinking we could stun the country with our idiocy, and while doubled over in laughter perform a metaphorical sleight of hand to relieve them of whatever the previously ersatz leaders have left them. let us discourse!!

  2. I am so relieved that you have plenty of ointment! For that reason alone you’ve got my vote, as long as you promise to have me over to the White House and also invite Queen and Harry Connick, Jr. to entertain that night. I am quite excited, but make sure you keep Bailey away from the media the way Obama has hidden his daughters Shania and LaToya.

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