I had a girlfriend once. That was pretty neat and after a date or two she pretty much moved in. Things went well for a year or so and then she became moody and hardly ever talked, that wasn’t unusual as she was from West Virginia and none of them talk. Then we were robbed. I walked into my house one day and noticed all kinds of stuff was gone and it was all Vicki’s (her name was Vicki) and I was beside myself as I didn’t know what to tell her about the robbery when she came home. She would really become moody and probably silent. I waited for her and figured out a way to break the news. After a few days I got real hysterical as I thought for sure she had been kidnapped, as I hadn’t heard from her at all. Lucky I had my stuff and could get out and go find her. I didn’t really find her but she did manage to escape form the robbers/kidnappers and get married to a car dealer. Wow, I learned my lesson and now would be happy to lock up any of my girlfriend’s stuff for safety sake. I have also built a safe room in my house.
I have been on Twitter as I am pushing for new opportunities for Brian Keller, Brian H. Keller, brianhkellerwriter.com, Brian, briankellerwriter, Brion, and all kinds of stuff. I put that last part in there as it’s called SEO and everyone’s doing it these days. In the past few weeks I have been following lots of Twitterers as they tweet interesting things. I have found secrets to beauty from Kim Kardashian and I found her pre wedding weight loss program. Which one is Kim Kardashian? Is she the fat obnoxious dumb sister? Or, is she the fat obnoxious louder sister? It could be the fat obnoxious talentless sister. I have no talent either so maybe we should team up. Whichever one she is she has a neat weight loss program and a bunch of her sisters should try it.
Anyway, I started tweeting and following people and guess what? I got tweets from the Economist, CNN, The New York Times, and A lady who sent me coupons and all kinds of other tweets from all kinds of other people even celebrities like Kathy Griffin, who may be Peter Griffin’s sister. I’ll check and see if she is a cartoon or is animated – it that’s the case she could be Peter Griffin’s sister or is she Griffith. I’ll stick with the Kardashians. Yes, people started following me too and I noticed a trend. Most of the people who started following me have been extremely beautiful women who want to have lots of sex with me. Most beautiful women would like to do that so I’m not surprised so I guess that Twitter has introduced me to an efficient way to have women who want to have sex with me cut through the red tape and get to me faster. I think it’s a good idea but I am taking the summer off to watch baseball and cart my kid and his “mini” posse around. I’m sure that makes me more desirable. They will probably want to walk my 17-year-old Labrador after sex (when I return to action) as I hear it’s better than smoking. I’m glad I’m not with Vicki anymore as she would probably be really mad at this and might leave or something.
I have also gotten lots of E-Mails from a number of really nice Russian women who have just seemed to find me and they want to have a relationship. It must be tough to be a girl in Russia as they all work hard for their families and are lonely and go to the coffee shop, after the gymnasium and university to write and send modestly sexy pictures of themselves that make you want to give them a plane ticket to our country and a Porsche. I am glad they found me and now all I have to do is pick the most deserving. I am not shallow and they are all beautiful. The only difficult thing will be telling all the Olga’s and Tatyana’s apart and making sure that I don’t make a mistake when I’m telling them which one I am sending money and a plane ticket to. Don’t worry in Russia the name Olga or Tatyana is like Sally or Nancy or Apple or Dakota or Rumer or Ivanka here in the states so there are many of them.
I tell you all what happens. See you.