You can read part of this or all. I wouldn’t read any of it. I wrote it and not reading this would be a good week.

I have been away from my blogging career as I have been social media marketing myself and I just found out that means you have to use what the kids call the World Wide Web. I’ve been standing in front of a Wegmans with postcards. I did get some tips and I have bought some underage kids beer at the liquor store in close to the market. I haven’t gotten anything to creative directorize though. Please start sending me business now. Thanks.

Anyway since I’ve been away as a blogger who hasn’t been blogging I’ve seen some interesting stuff. Like: Interesting Stuff One: Have you been getting these?

The Set Up

The information contained in this e-mail is intended for the use of the named recipient only….  And is confidential, and/or exempt from disclosure under applicable law

And then the pay off:

If the reader or recipient of this communication is not the intended recipient, an employee or agent of the intended recipient who is responsible for delivering it to the intended recipient, or you believe that you have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail and promptly delete this e-mail, including attachments without reading or saving them in any manner. The unauthorized use, dissemination, distribution, or reproduction of this e-mail, including attachments, is prohibited and may be unlawful.

What this means:

Some one is sending things to you by accident because they are stupid.  You got the above note (disclaimer) on an email because the sender may be a moron. But, if you read the dumb e-mail they will sue you and take all your money and perhaps your house, kids, and the baseball package. Now who’s stupid? That’s what I like about living in this country now. There’s always someone to blame who isn’t you.

Don’t you think that maybe they should put the disclaimer at the start of the E-Mail so you won’t read their dumb E-Mail. I put my own disclaimer and reply that: “I would be happy to send you back your E-Mail that I didn’t read if you pay me to do it and  clean up your dumb mistake. Then I usually end with this to make sure that I don’t get in trouble:  “If the reader or recipient of this communication is not the intended recipient, an employee or agent of the intended recipient who is responsible …have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail and promptly ..,…

Interesting Stuff Two: Happening for a long time now: What happened to You’re welcome?

After a long day suing people for reading my email that I sent to them on purpose but pretended not to I went for a stroll to get a McFlurry.

I paid for it and thanked the kid behind the counter. I said “Thank You.” He said “No Problem.” I said, “What wasn’t a problem.” He said, “ I don’t know.” I said, “ Okay, Thanks.” He said: “No Problem.” I said, “Oh, I see it was it no problem to get me the McFlurry? “ Or no problem to say no problem?” He said: “It was kind of a problem to get you the McFlurry but I was trying to be graceful about it.” I don’t like working here, it’s greasy and I don’t like to get people McFlurry’s in particular.” I said “ That seems like a valid point thanks for helping me out here.” He said “No problem.” I said, “What was no problem? Helping me out with the McFlurry, why you say no problem, telling me about why you don’t like getting McFlurry’s,you never did tell me why you don’t like getting McFlurry’s it seems easy, or answering this question? He said “I don’t know.” I said “No Problem.” He said “

“I have no response for that.” I said “You’re welcome.” He said “ What does that mean? And, you should try and get someone a McFlurry and be graceful about it.”

Interesting Stuff Number Three: Brevity and Typing

I like my Smart Phone. I think it’s a smart phone. If phones were really smart they wouldn’t need those please excuse my typing and brevity and all that stuff on the bottom.  Wouldn’t they just fix the spelling mistakes and flesh out the topics for the users of smart phones so you wouldn’t have to read those stupid messages anymore and think “Wow, that was a smart phone message from a person who must be wealthy and powerful enough to have a smart phone but is still to dumb write a full sentence correctly and without telling you, via the signature, that he/she has a smart phone that can take the blame for the ignorance of the user? “(RE: Stupid, yes I know all about the previous sentence…see below.)

DISCLAIMER: Yes my spelling sucks but it’s not because I’m brief it’s because I’m stupid and I also think bad grammar is an art. I also don’t have much to say so I write all this hoping people will get tired an not read it. Then if enough people don’t read this stuff I can quit doing this and go out and play air soft with my 12 year old.

Interesting Stuff Number Four:  Again with the phone:

My friend texted me. Smart phones having texting capabilities and you can write to people without calling. It’s the height of technology. He texted me and asked me for my email address. I texted back with my email address. He texted back that he couldn’t read it. I texted my email address again. He texted back that he thought I had another email address. I texted back that I did but I like the one that I texted him. He wrote “cool and it had a picture of some ice next to it which represented cool. I think. It was hysterical as it represented cool as I wouldn’t have understood the term cool unless if came with an emoticon. So, then he texted” which email address should I use?” I texted back “Which one did I send you.”  He texted back “I don’t know let me scroll up and find it.” I texted “Cool.” But I used an emoticon of a smiley face to let him know I was really happy with waiting for him to text. He texted after a few minutes “Got it is it brian@briankellerwriter.com?” I texted “Yes, this is great.” He texted back “Grr ATE.” With a hot dog emotion as he just gone to “Pinks in L.A. This was a good approach as it only took me an hour to figure out that he went to “Pinks” in L.A. If had just texted me “I just went  to “Pinks in L.A. I wouldn’t have had so much fun figuring out that he had a hot dog but I do think they have a few other things besides hot dogs. He could have gotten a drink and not a hot dog and that’s it, so in the end I guess he did the right thing and I will try not to assume anything any more.

I woke up this morning and got his E-Mail. He asked for my work number, as he wants to call me tomorrow and didn’t want to bother me on my cell or home number. So, I called him up and left a message that I would be out a lot tomorrow.   He didn’t answer the phone but talk about efficiency he texted me a minute later, complete with smiley face and an Eiffel Tower icon, and said it wasn’t important and he’d see me later in the summer.

That is so thoughtful and that’s why texts are taking over the world as people are getting more and more intuitive and don’t want to waste time with needless phone calls.

Advertisements

One thought on “You can read part of this or all. I wouldn’t read any of it. I wrote it and not reading this would be a good week.

  1. i have missed your blog so much it isn’t funny. wait, your blog is funny but how much i have missed it isn’t. you are the funniest person i know, which actually isn’t saying much because i live in Maine now and nobody here has a sense of humor…they can’t even sense humor, if you know what i mean…not even if it is close by. all they do is eat lobster. anyway, welcome back!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s