This is my list of top moments of 2011 list (in no order) and do you say list again after you say list? Is one list in that sentence enough? I you figure that out we may have 9 things on my ten list that now has 8 things. This will probably be the definitive list of the year. You could also,probably, use this list every year from now on and not have to bother with any other lists.
- SOCIAL NETWORK STUFF: I friended North Korea and received this message보낼 경우에 대한 요청 낯선 사람이 스팸을 고려하면 친구 요청이 차단될 것. 제발 보낼 뿐만 아니라 이 요청을 알면 사용자가 이었습니다. 보낼 경우에 대한 요청 낯선 사람이 스팸을 고려하면 친구 요청이 차단될 것. 제발 보낼 뿐만 아니라 이 요청을 알면 사용자가 이었습니다. 보낼 경우에 대한 요청 낯선 사람이 스팸을 고려하면 친구 요청이 차단될 것. 제발 보낼 뿐만 아니라 이 요청을 알면 사용자가 이었습니다 and Bite Me (original translation as it’s the same in any language.)
- “As the Supreme leader of North Korea a country who talks to no one not even Oprah (even though I want a Volkswagen – have you seen a North Korean car?) Anyway, even I know that if you send a request to a stranger, it will be considered spam and your friend request will be blocked temporarily. Please only send this request if you know this user. Yes Kim Jon un is fat and short and couldn’t get a date with Snookie when they worked at the Gelato shop but he could beat you up though. He did have sex with J-Wow. You may still find him in her breasts somewhere. Bite Me.”
NOTE about North Korean Leader and son: Both the portly provocateur and his “fly” kid are now my total BFF in like real life and they’ve decided to get really cool haircuts at Supercuts, skinny jeans and stop using “roofies.”
2.THE LAW: The Supreme Court has ruled that giving a mandatory 35 year sentence for using the word swagger is constitutional and appropriate. They also ruled that if the term is used while lip-synching a Ke$ha song the death penalty may be imposed. Ruth Bader Ginsberg didn’t want to be involved she was prepping for a spot on Winter Wipeout.
3. ENTERTAINMENT: Lil Wayne had been confirmed as one of the main performers for the 2011 Bamboozle Music Festival. As exciting as this (it got 545 likes on Facebook) some people weren’t that happy. “DONT KNOW WHY I’M JUST NOT FEELING ”6′7” LIKE I DID ”A MILLI” SINCE THE CARTER III APART FROM WE BE STEADY MOBBIN, TOLD YALL & BILL GATES.” Wait and see before you buy tickets. More lukewarm reviews could kill LiL Wayne’s career and no one will be feeling “6’7” but I’m sure I’ll be steady mobbing (me and my posse will be riding slow in da black Benz and mean mugging everyone who looks at us)
4. GREAT FINANCIAL NEWS, OUR BANKERS HAVE HEART: This the best financial news I’ve heard in years. I’m really feeling good about our situation now. Take that people who don’t trust private business to police themselves. Now for the News: JPMorgan Investment Bank Cuts Average Pay to $369,651.00. I will accept food donations and will distribute honestly in keeping with the high standards set by this beloved institution.
5. EDUCATION: Do you remember those girls who used leave your high school at break and come back months later with baby cousins who looked just like them? 86 Teens Pregnant at One Memphis High School. According to recent statistics, 86 students at Frayser High School are pregnant or have given birth in the last year. Way to respond: A new campaign to prevent teen pregnancies has been launched in Memphis in response to a huge spike in expectant mothers at one area high school. The new campaign – called “No Baby!” – is designed to educate both teenage girls and boys about how to prevent and deal with unplanned pregnancies. The program is also tailored to give girls the confidence to “just say no” to sex. I’m sure this will work. For every girl who doesn’t get pregnant this year the school is offering “Mean People Suck” bumper stickers. I think that by the end of 2011 there will be no pregnant girls at Frayser High School and with viral being so big these days there will probably be no mean people in all of Memphis, maybe the world.
6. DOCUMENTS: POOR JULIAN ASSANGE. HE’S DONE IT THIS TIME.
A guy in a Key West trailer park, filed a $150 million dollar law suit against both Wikileaks and Assange for emotional distress by releasing documents that “indangered him and everyone in America and the rest of the world. He filed a complaint in U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Florida in Miami, and claims serious “personan injury” including a “worsening” of his hyper tention ,” “depression,” and “Stress,” and that he has been living in dread of a heart attack and or stroke as a result of the foregoing” and “fear of being on the brink of Nucliar WAR.”He says that he fears the U.S. will run out of money as a result of the diplomatic fallout from confidential cables leaked through the Australian “hacktivist’s” organization, thereby diminishing the Medicaid benefits on which he depends. He is asking $100 million “dollors” in compensatory damages, $50 million in punitive damages and legal fees.
Hey he writes and spells a little better than me. Could it be that if I offered him a job he would stop the suit and the writing her would get better? I believe that Hilary Clinton is resuming practice and pursuing justice for this fine America.
7. BEST GUEST LIST NOT INCLUDING PRESIDENT AND HIS WIFE
The Royal wedding of the two people getting married will not have President Obama or his wife on the guest list. They are being replaced with White House Party crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi. I talked with the President and his comment was “ No biggie but I can’t believe that Michelle can’t wear that purple dress again, like that was an awesome dress. Michaele has invited us to a pre party though.”
What do Royals do? I’m not really sure. They are Royal but exactly what do they do each day. Do they eat cereal and watch Sports Center and read their cereal boxes? What do the Royal girls do? How many Royal girls are there and princes too? I need to study up.
8. THIS IS OVER NOW. THAT’S PROBABLY THE BEST NEWS OF 2011
I don’t have a top ten of things. I have a top 8 this being the last of the 8. I wouldn’t look for any other best of lists in 2011. I think this is as good as it’s going to get. If Lindsay Lohan does something cool I will expand the list under any of the subject above as she crosses boundaries and topics. Bye.